There comes a time when We've to allow ourselves to be loved by the people who really love us,
the people who really matter.
Too much of the time,
we are blinded by our own pursuits of people to love us,
people that don't even matter,
while all that time we waste and the people who do love us have to stand on the sidewalk and watch us beg in the streets!
It's time to put an end to this.
It's time for us to let ourselves be loved.
Women, Why Do We Hate Each Other?
The pot filled with lobsters is bubbling on top the raging fire. The lobsters try to claw their way out. Taking a closer look you see it, strange but true. They climb on top each other, helping each other claw their way out of the pot. You can be sure that these are male lobsters. BECAUSE, female lobsters in a steaming hot pot of boiling water clamp each other down so that no one can get out. How alike these female lobsters are to us women.
I'm asking the age old question, asked a million times by others before me. I hope that somewhere along the line in the course of this write up I would be able to find an answer; Why do women hate each other?
The story of the male and female lobster told to me some years ago is probably a myth. I just read that lobsters die almost immediately they enter hot water. But, there must be a reason for this myth.
I'm asking the age old question, asked a million times by others before me. I hope that somewhere along the line in the course of this write up I would be able to find an answer; Why do women hate each other?
The story of the male and female lobster told to me some years ago is probably a myth. I just read that lobsters die almost immediately they enter hot water. But, there must be a reason for this myth.
You Don’t Look At Me Like You Used To
Remember the fireworks? Remember anticipating the next time you saw his face. Remember that certain look (exclusively reserved for you) that he gave you when you entered the room. Remember those butterflies? What about those never ending phone calls (you hang up…no you hang up…no you hang up..until someone fell asleep). Remember when everything was bliss?
She entered our office searching for an answer…..desperately seeking relief.
She told us:
I forgot what being adored feels like. He doesn’t look at me like he used to. His eyes and energy are indifferent. His back is turned. I wish he would touch me…on my hand..if only for a split second. Maybe we can share a laugh. I miss him completing my sentences. I want to feel like I matter. I miss being his…..
http://www.blackloveandmarriage.com
She entered our office searching for an answer…..desperately seeking relief.
She told us:
I forgot what being adored feels like. He doesn’t look at me like he used to. His eyes and energy are indifferent. His back is turned. I wish he would touch me…on my hand..if only for a split second. Maybe we can share a laugh. I miss him completing my sentences. I want to feel like I matter. I miss being his…..
http://www.blackloveandmarriage.com
Ladies, You Need To Watch Out For These Online Dating Red Flags
In the online dating game, wouldn't you like to be able to tell right off the bat if a guy will be a good match for you?
Even better, don't you want to see the red flags in his profile before your date ends up being a total disaster?
As hard as it is to believe, these little signs can actually be the difference between finding someone who is relationship material or just meeting a player who is only looking for a good time without the commitment.
Image Consultant and Matchmaker Kimberly Seltzeroffers awesome tips on how to determine if the guy you're interested in is a good match.
For starters, it's imperative to look out for all of the tell-tale signs that his profile page is bound to have.
One thing to pay close attention to is his profile picture.
If he is wearing something that is way out there (or better yet, nothing at all), or even takes his picture in the bathroom, it is likely that he is really after one thing — And is also probably a narcissist.
With all these signs out in the open, the most important thing to remember is you have to figure what you are looking for:
Is it a serious relationship or a fling?
Don't ever go on a date without knowing what you're looking for. How else are you supposed to know if he's looking for the same thing?
TRANSCRIPT:
Hi I’m Kimberly Seltzer with Ask an Expert answering your loveand relationship questions.
Today’s question is:
Dear Kimberly, I want to know if there are tell-tale signs online if a guy is a good match for you or not. What are they?
Well, actually there’s a lot of things that you can look at to determine whether a guy is good for you right from the get-go.
Ladies, if he is wearing something that is inappropriate or if he’s half naked or if he’s taking it in his bathroom he’s probably after one thing, so really pay attention to that.
The other thing is the picture clear or is it really hard to see him? He might be hiding something. Maybe he doesn’t even care about this whole datingthing.
There’s a lot of messages behind the picture. The other thing is, is he in a picture with a bunch of women? What does that say about him? So that’s the first thing.
The second thing is to look at the content of what he is writing.
Overall, is there a nice flow to his writing almost as if there is a conversation going on?
To me that means that guy is gonna be kind of having a give-and-take when it comes to a relationship.
Or is he just trying to sell you and just talking about himself the entire time and how great he is? Be leary of those guys.
The other thing to keep in mind is the user name. And I know this sounds funny but if the user name is gottahavesex19 I’m sorry that usually means what kind of guy he is and what he’s after.
But with that being said ladies, you have to be clear on what it is you want at this moment in time.
If you want to have a little fun and just date lightly and you want to, you know, flavor those kind of guys then go for it. If you want a relationship, look at the key elements online that would detect a relationship kind of guy.
Even better, don't you want to see the red flags in his profile before your date ends up being a total disaster?
As hard as it is to believe, these little signs can actually be the difference between finding someone who is relationship material or just meeting a player who is only looking for a good time without the commitment.
Image Consultant and Matchmaker Kimberly Seltzeroffers awesome tips on how to determine if the guy you're interested in is a good match.
For starters, it's imperative to look out for all of the tell-tale signs that his profile page is bound to have.
One thing to pay close attention to is his profile picture.
If he is wearing something that is way out there (or better yet, nothing at all), or even takes his picture in the bathroom, it is likely that he is really after one thing — And is also probably a narcissist.
With all these signs out in the open, the most important thing to remember is you have to figure what you are looking for:
Is it a serious relationship or a fling?
Don't ever go on a date without knowing what you're looking for. How else are you supposed to know if he's looking for the same thing?
TRANSCRIPT:
Hi I’m Kimberly Seltzer with Ask an Expert answering your loveand relationship questions.
Today’s question is:
Dear Kimberly, I want to know if there are tell-tale signs online if a guy is a good match for you or not. What are they?
Well, actually there’s a lot of things that you can look at to determine whether a guy is good for you right from the get-go.
Ladies, if he is wearing something that is inappropriate or if he’s half naked or if he’s taking it in his bathroom he’s probably after one thing, so really pay attention to that.
The other thing is the picture clear or is it really hard to see him? He might be hiding something. Maybe he doesn’t even care about this whole datingthing.
There’s a lot of messages behind the picture. The other thing is, is he in a picture with a bunch of women? What does that say about him? So that’s the first thing.
The second thing is to look at the content of what he is writing.
Overall, is there a nice flow to his writing almost as if there is a conversation going on?
To me that means that guy is gonna be kind of having a give-and-take when it comes to a relationship.
Or is he just trying to sell you and just talking about himself the entire time and how great he is? Be leary of those guys.
The other thing to keep in mind is the user name. And I know this sounds funny but if the user name is gottahavesex19 I’m sorry that usually means what kind of guy he is and what he’s after.
But with that being said ladies, you have to be clear on what it is you want at this moment in time.
If you want to have a little fun and just date lightly and you want to, you know, flavor those kind of guys then go for it. If you want a relationship, look at the key elements online that would detect a relationship kind of guy.
3 Things Single Women Hate To Hear
No matter who it's from, this well-meaning advice falls on deaf (or enraged) single ears.
Every time she hung out with her singlefemale friends, the same gripes surfaced. Enough already with the how-to-snag-a-guy advice streaming from anyone and everyone as soon as status single was announced, they said.
Suddenly, Karin Anderson, Ph.D., assistant professor of psychology at Concordia University Chicago, found herself keeping track of what these single womenwere saying, replacing the strict academic research techniques she was used to with more informal polling.
What she found was a deluge of well-meaning advice being issued to singles that, while offered with the best of intentions, not only wasn't working but was making singles' skin crawl.
"The message to singles tends to be that they're doing something wrong, 'You're too this' or 'You're not enough that.' Being single is treated as this problem that needs to be solved," says Anderson. "That's really bogus. We should be telling single women, 'You're fine. There's nothing wrong. Enjoy your life.'"
These five snippets of well-meaning adviceto singles top Anderson's list of worst offenses. Here's why.
1) What's Said: MAYBE YOU'RE NOT TRYING HARD ENOUGH.
What's Heard:"This can come off sounding like you're passing judgment on effort," says Anderson. "It's better to encourage a single person to explore new relationshipsto the extent they are comfortable and to extend themselves in ways that feel natural and not forced."
2) What's Said: YOU'RE TOO PICKY.
What's Heard:This implies that at some point, a point that the single friend or loved one has reached, she is no longer allowed to be discriminating, says Anderson. "This sends single womenthe message that their time to be choosy is up, that it's now time to go out and pick up any chump."
3) What's Said: GET BACK OUT THERE!
What's Heard:This can send the signal that the single person is simply not doing enough speed dating, Internet dating or blind dating — or worse, that she isn't living a full enough life. "Singles are not by definition hiding out in their closets curled up in the fetal position all day," says Anderson. "Most are likely working, meeting friends out for dinner and events, working out."
Every time she hung out with her singlefemale friends, the same gripes surfaced. Enough already with the how-to-snag-a-guy advice streaming from anyone and everyone as soon as status single was announced, they said.
Suddenly, Karin Anderson, Ph.D., assistant professor of psychology at Concordia University Chicago, found herself keeping track of what these single womenwere saying, replacing the strict academic research techniques she was used to with more informal polling.
What she found was a deluge of well-meaning advice being issued to singles that, while offered with the best of intentions, not only wasn't working but was making singles' skin crawl.
"The message to singles tends to be that they're doing something wrong, 'You're too this' or 'You're not enough that.' Being single is treated as this problem that needs to be solved," says Anderson. "That's really bogus. We should be telling single women, 'You're fine. There's nothing wrong. Enjoy your life.'"
These five snippets of well-meaning adviceto singles top Anderson's list of worst offenses. Here's why.
1) What's Said: MAYBE YOU'RE NOT TRYING HARD ENOUGH.
What's Heard:"This can come off sounding like you're passing judgment on effort," says Anderson. "It's better to encourage a single person to explore new relationshipsto the extent they are comfortable and to extend themselves in ways that feel natural and not forced."
2) What's Said: YOU'RE TOO PICKY.
What's Heard:This implies that at some point, a point that the single friend or loved one has reached, she is no longer allowed to be discriminating, says Anderson. "This sends single womenthe message that their time to be choosy is up, that it's now time to go out and pick up any chump."
3) What's Said: GET BACK OUT THERE!
What's Heard:This can send the signal that the single person is simply not doing enough speed dating, Internet dating or blind dating — or worse, that she isn't living a full enough life. "Singles are not by definition hiding out in their closets curled up in the fetal position all day," says Anderson. "Most are likely working, meeting friends out for dinner and events, working out."
3 Modern Dating Rules Every Single Should Know
Match.com's latest survey reveals new dating rules for today's modern single.
Bad news bears, singles: Match.com has released the results of a new surveythat shows the datingrules and habits have changed. Again. But even though the playing field has become a bit of uncharted territory, some traditional dating dos and dont's still apply. Bad Habits That Are Actually Good For You
"It's important for singlesto know that the dating ruleshave changed," says Whitney Casey, Relationship Expertfor Match.com. "This study finds that datingbehaviors drastically differ between the ages. Youngersingles are more likely to friend their date on Facebook, communicateby text after a date, and be evasive about their availability if they're not interested in a second date. Whereas older singles are more cautious when it comes to datingin the digital era."
That said, here are the eight dating habits—new and old—you need to know about.
1. He asks, she pays.The one traditional dating"do" that still stands is the general belief men are supposed to make the first move. However, Match.com found 41% of women would offer to pick up the check on a first date. You hear that guys? If you ask us out for dinner, we might just foot the bill. Sounds like a win-win to us.
2. All it takes is 15 minutes.To decide if you and your date have chemistry, that is. Thirty-one percent of both men and women agree that 15 minutes of a date is all it takes to decide. Worried your next date will bail if he's not into you? Don't, because Match.com found only 12 percent of singles would actually leave before the night was over. Women Regret Failed Relationships More Than Anything Else
3. Honesty is (still) the best policy.Not enjoying your time out with what's his name? Tell him. The survey found 52 percent of singles think it's best to politely tell your date if you're not interested, and we agree. Neither party gets anything out of being dishonest, and you never know when you'll run into him or her again later in life. Remember: manners matter.
Bad news bears, singles: Match.com has released the results of a new surveythat shows the datingrules and habits have changed. Again. But even though the playing field has become a bit of uncharted territory, some traditional dating dos and dont's still apply. Bad Habits That Are Actually Good For You
"It's important for singlesto know that the dating ruleshave changed," says Whitney Casey, Relationship Expertfor Match.com. "This study finds that datingbehaviors drastically differ between the ages. Youngersingles are more likely to friend their date on Facebook, communicateby text after a date, and be evasive about their availability if they're not interested in a second date. Whereas older singles are more cautious when it comes to datingin the digital era."
That said, here are the eight dating habits—new and old—you need to know about.
1. He asks, she pays.The one traditional dating"do" that still stands is the general belief men are supposed to make the first move. However, Match.com found 41% of women would offer to pick up the check on a first date. You hear that guys? If you ask us out for dinner, we might just foot the bill. Sounds like a win-win to us.
2. All it takes is 15 minutes.To decide if you and your date have chemistry, that is. Thirty-one percent of both men and women agree that 15 minutes of a date is all it takes to decide. Worried your next date will bail if he's not into you? Don't, because Match.com found only 12 percent of singles would actually leave before the night was over. Women Regret Failed Relationships More Than Anything Else
3. Honesty is (still) the best policy.Not enjoying your time out with what's his name? Tell him. The survey found 52 percent of singles think it's best to politely tell your date if you're not interested, and we agree. Neither party gets anything out of being dishonest, and you never know when you'll run into him or her again later in life. Remember: manners matter.
3 Smart Dating Tips For Singles
When I was dating, each man I met seemed to have wonderful qualities.
But after a few dates or even a few weeks, something would often emerge that changed my mind.
The guy who was spontaneous really had a problem with commitmentand the guy who had a really steady job was really a workaholic.
It was always such a disappointment. The longer I was single, the more I started to ask the question of how could I ever know who someone was right away?
I figured out that by following a few simple rules, I could get to know a guy before giving my heart away.
So if you're looking for a few tried-and-true datingtips that actually work, I sincerely recommend you give these tipssome thought.
1. On a first date, meet up in public.
On your first date (especially if you've never met them before), meet somewhere neutral and in public.
This is mostly for safety.
Make sure you have a plan to keep the date short.
Arrange to have a friend call your cell phone half an hour after the date begins to check on you and give you the "emergency call out" if things are already uncomfortable.
Sometimes, the first impression tells you all you need to determine if there is a connection.
Meeting for coffee in a casual cafe works best.
2. Listen to your intuition.Make sure you listen to your gut.
What is your first impression?
Is he/she being honest?
Does he/she seem authentic?
You want to go into the date from the viewpoint of analyzing the situation with a critical eye.
Physical chemistry isn't everything and besides, the novelty will always wear off over time.
It's just one of the important ingredients to a successful relationship.
3. Don't ignore the warning signs—even the small ones!
So, assuming that you're attracted to your date, you still need to remain objective enough to get to know who this person is beyond how physically appearance.
Dating is meant to be fun and entertaining, but odds are, you're also looking for a commitment.
You should learn over time if the person you're with has what you need to be happy.
Even if you're still unclear on this after going out on five or six dates with this person, that's okay.
This decision evolves over time.
The longer you're with someone, the more you know about them.
Watch for warning signs and keep these in the back of your mind so you can see how they play out in your relationship over time.
And if your date can't get past a few dates without being impolite or inappropriately sexual, it's time to sever the cord and move on.
But after a few dates or even a few weeks, something would often emerge that changed my mind.
The guy who was spontaneous really had a problem with commitmentand the guy who had a really steady job was really a workaholic.
It was always such a disappointment. The longer I was single, the more I started to ask the question of how could I ever know who someone was right away?
I figured out that by following a few simple rules, I could get to know a guy before giving my heart away.
So if you're looking for a few tried-and-true datingtips that actually work, I sincerely recommend you give these tipssome thought.
1. On a first date, meet up in public.
On your first date (especially if you've never met them before), meet somewhere neutral and in public.
This is mostly for safety.
Make sure you have a plan to keep the date short.
Arrange to have a friend call your cell phone half an hour after the date begins to check on you and give you the "emergency call out" if things are already uncomfortable.
Sometimes, the first impression tells you all you need to determine if there is a connection.
Meeting for coffee in a casual cafe works best.
2. Listen to your intuition.Make sure you listen to your gut.
What is your first impression?
Is he/she being honest?
Does he/she seem authentic?
You want to go into the date from the viewpoint of analyzing the situation with a critical eye.
Physical chemistry isn't everything and besides, the novelty will always wear off over time.
It's just one of the important ingredients to a successful relationship.
3. Don't ignore the warning signs—even the small ones!
So, assuming that you're attracted to your date, you still need to remain objective enough to get to know who this person is beyond how physically appearance.
Dating is meant to be fun and entertaining, but odds are, you're also looking for a commitment.
You should learn over time if the person you're with has what you need to be happy.
Even if you're still unclear on this after going out on five or six dates with this person, that's okay.
This decision evolves over time.
The longer you're with someone, the more you know about them.
Watch for warning signs and keep these in the back of your mind so you can see how they play out in your relationship over time.
And if your date can't get past a few dates without being impolite or inappropriately sexual, it's time to sever the cord and move on.
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