If we don't like ourselves, who else will?
"Self-trust is the first secret to success.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson
Have you ever hesitated at an opportunity to meet someone new because you lacked confidence?
Confidence is knowing that you are worthy of whatever it is you're striving to have in your life, whether it's a great career or a life partner.
Many of us wish we had more confidence to go after what we dream about. Unfortunately, we all have ideas of unworthiness growing in the gardens of our minds. Perhaps we think we're not good enough, smart enough or pretty or handsome enough to attract the kind of partner we want. We may have an unconscious belief that we don't really deserve to be adored or happy.
Some people are born naturally confident, but for most of us, it's a practice that we need to cultivate. We may have been brought up to constantly engage in critical and judgmental thinking, both of others and ourselves. "What will they think of me?" we ask, whenever we are forced outside of our comfort zone. "I can't do this. I'm going to feel ridiculous." Our subconscious is the constant critic that undermines our efforts to be more authentic.
There is good news, however. We can actually use the subconscious as an ally to plant images in our minds that will help us embody more confidence and feel more relaxed and calm when we're around someone we're attracted to. We can re-program the subconscious mind to develop a self-image that is more congruent with who we really are.
The subconscious can't tell the difference between something that's imagined or real. Under hypnosis when someone is told that a hot coal is being placed on their arm, they'll raise a welt even though the hot coal is really an ice cube. You can vividly imagine being embarrassed at something that happened 20 years ago, and our cheeks will flush and turn red, even though it's not happening now.
Here is an exercise using your subconscious that may help you embody more confidence and bring you into a state of relaxed flow. You can do this before interacting with someone who makes you nervous or who triggers feelings of unworthiness.
Step 1: Imagine Someone Who Radiates Confidence
This can be someone you know personally or a public figure you admire. You know this person as someone who carries themselves with confidence. Whether or not that is actually true of this person is unimportant.
Once you have selected someone, close your eyes and picture this person standing in a large room with other people. See them walking around, talking, interacting and maintaining a sense of confidence. Now imagine how they behave on a first date, or at a gathering or party. How do they speak? What is their body languagelike? How do they approach others?
Spend at least 10-15 minutes observing this person in your imagination.
Step 2: Embody Their Energy Field
As you're picturing this person moving through a room, imagine that on their back is a large zipper that extends from the top of their head to below their waist. You can reach in, unzip them and step inside of them. Their body stretches to fit you, and you meld seamlessly.
For the next ten minutes, imagine walking around inside this person's energy field. How do you carry yourself? How do others look at you? What do you say when you speak? More importantly, tap into how this feels inside your body.
Experience what it's like to live from that frequency of relaxed, calm confidence.
Step 3: Practice What You Experienced
Now open your eyes and continue with your day.
Whenever you feel yourself hesitate or sink into self-criticism, take a deep breath and evoke that energy field you experienced in your subconscious imagination. Step into that confidence master's energy field once more.
This is something you can practice over and over until you begin to feel naturally more relaxed and confident.
Many of us are muted versions of who we are capable of being. We are divine beings, but we don't know it or we don't believe it. By using our subconscious mind to override our negative programming, we can develop an image that is congruent with the capacity that we have within each of us.